SANYEEN INTERNET
Chapter 1: Shah Blot Bagh
Shah Blut bagh
First chapter
Mat sehl hamein jano phirta
hay falak barson
Tab khak kay putlay say insan
nikalta hay
Mir taqui mir
G.T. Road, when it passes from Rawalpindi Canttonment, is
called the Mall Road.
Malls like these you can
find in all major cities of Pakistan and
they remind us of those days when the indo-pak subcontinent was
under the slavery of goras
(it means white and was used for the English who ruled us) exactly the same
Mall
Road exists in Rawalpindi
Cantonment. The office of Rawalpindi Cantonment Board is also on the mall and
adjacent to that is Lansdowne
Library, but its name has been changed to Cantonment Library. If you walk
down further you will find
twin cinemas, Odeon and Plaza. They are famous because they were ballrooms of
goras. Some people say that
these were famous for horse-dancing shows. These days they show a double
programme with English films.
I mean sometimes with the English films they show hard-core pornographic
movies. These cinemas have
been closed and reopened many times but with only a small break before they
restart their activities.
Right in front of these twin
cinemas you will find shah blut bagh (the garden of oak trees). There are lots
of
oak trees in this garden and
now most of them are withered. So that's why this garden is called shah blut
bagh.
Let me tell you something
about this garden. Usually, this garden is desolate and deserted but one of the
most
important personalities in
this garden is a white haired sanyeen baba (old mendicant) who will be nearly
ninety (90) years old but he
looks better than his age. He does everything there like eating, drinking even
praying. He does his praying
there but he never recognises his kiblah (a place in the city of Saudi Arabia
the
city called Makah and the
place towards which all Muslims around the word should face when they pray)
usually when they pray
Muslims should know the right direction of kiblah and in every country it's
different
because according to
mathematicians Kabah is the centre of the earth.
Sanyeen Baba offers his
prayers without any direction. He prefers his own direction and there is no
fixed time
for him. Apart from Sanyeen
Baba, this garden is also famous for masseurs. You will find many half-naked
people in this garden, not
caring whether the weather is hot or cold, who come to this garden to have a
massage.
There are many masseurs but
the most famous massager is Teddy (Teddy may be a baby's toy or may be a
modified form of tidy). Teddy
is of medium height. He isn't young, must have been tanned but now he is dark.
Now he doesn't even shave his
beard because if he shaved it, he would look like a fasting Buddha. His eyes
are deep inside. If you look
at him you will feel that his eyes have been gauged. He always wears pantaloons
and a short-sleeved shirt.
His clothes are very dirty but it doesn't matter they are pantaloons and shirt.
The
most interesting thing is his
bottle carrier, in that he carries four bottles of different massage oils. When
he
shakes that bottle carrier
and makes a chan chan
sound Teddy says malish, malish , malish ( massage).
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Chapter 1: Shah Blot Bagh
SANYEEN INTERNET
Now days a new personality
has been dwelling in this garden. Everyone calls him Sanyeen Internet
(mendicant) because of him
the hustle and bustle of this garden is back. No one knows who Sanyeen Internet
is. In the beginning the
people of secret agencies thought that he was a spy but afterwards like Bob
Marley
Sanyeen they stopped bothering
him.
These names like Internet
Sanyeen and Bob Marley Sanyeen have been given by the local young lads. Bob
Marley Sanyeen, this 90 years
old man, never had a hair cut in his whole life and his plaits look like dread
locks. There was a time when
they were black but now they are all white like snow. Internet Sanyeen, this
person has all the
information about everything like internet web sites and no one knows his real
name.
One day he calls himself
Leonardo da Vinci, another day he calls himself the great poet of Shakuntla,
Kalidasa. Similarly he calls
himself Maupassant and Goethe because he has all the information about
everything so young lads
named him Sanyeen Internet.
Sanyeen Internet must be 50
years old or maybe less than that but he looks older than his age. He is of
medium height. His shalwar
and qameez (shalwar are baggy trousers and qameez is a shirt like camicia in
Italian) are worn and torn
and for many months he hasn't had a shower so you can easily see the spots of
grime on his body. His skin
looks like printed cloth. Right at the opposite side of the hut of Bob Marley
Sanyeen, he has his hut. He
does everything here in his hut like Bob Marley Sanyeen. He eats and sleeps
here.
His hut is full of old news
papers, magazines and books; he brought them from dust bins and rubbish and
litter
places.
He might have read these
magazines and books. He wakes up early in the morning and takes tea from the
tea
stall which is at the corner
of the shah blut garden and then starts writing something on white pages. He
acts
like that, that he is writing
something. Sanyeen Internet and Bob Marley don't speak to each other. Both of
them belong to two different
schools of thought.
Sanyeen Internet doesn't
always speak in one language. Sometimes in French sometimes in Italian and when
he speaks Urdu you can't tell
that he is a mendicant or a bit twisted. When he is annoyed and cross, he
curses
in Punjabi (a dialect in the
Punjab province which is in India and Pakistan as well) even in potohari (a
dialect
in Rawalpindi and in its
environs).
If he starts speaking about
physics than he will spend his whole day explaining the theories and facts of
physics or if he starts
speaking about genetics he will try his level best to explain it to you. Any
topic like fine
arts, literature, philology,
anthropology, anthropomorphism, lexicography, palaeontology, and theology he
will explain to you
authentically. The listeners will never be able to understand that the person
to whom they
are listening is a bit
twisted, mentally upset. Apart from shah blut bagh you can find Sanyeen
Internet at all
those places where you can
get good tea (in India and Pakistan tea is: black tea with milk and sugar) for
him
tea is hard core drug. He
doesn't smoke, doesn't drink and the only addiction he has is tea.
Sanyeen Internet has two best
friends one is Einstein and other is Freud. No one knows their real names.
Einstein, the only thing
about him that people know is that after he got a master's of science in physics
than he
got a highly paid job. He
spent all his money for the studies of his younger brothers, so one of them
became a
doctor of medicine and other
became an engineer. One day one of his younger brother's wives gave him some
liquid to drink which made
him loose his mind. He smokes all the time and with straws he draws the
formulae
of the physics and if someone
interrupts him he curses them in Punjabi.
Freud is a psychologist. He
did a master in psychology and he was a notable professor of psychology in the
renowned college of
Rawalpindi. One day he was giving a lecture to his students and came out from
the class
and started saying "I am
not Jung, I am Freud". According to the doctor's examination he had some
family
problem so he became like
this. One day maybe he will be okay. His family members always put him into a
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SANYEEN INTERNET
locked room but sometime he
comes out. Freud and Einstein discuss their own subjects but Sanyeen Internet
tries every subject. He is
the youngest amongst them. They are in their late seventies and Sanyeen
Internet is
not even fifty. He delivers
lectures like revolutionary young man. He convinces them with logics and facts.
Sometime people get shocked
that is he twisted? Or we are fooled but he is twisted that's the truth.
Usually
Sanyeen Internet stays in
shah blut bagh but he became very popular in a very short period. Wherever he
went
they gave him food and tea,
sometimes at the Anwar cafe, sometimes at the Tabarak restaurant and sometime
at the Mehr Ali restaurant.
Sometimes he has been reproved and sometimes he has been cajoled. Whenever
young lads and college
students used to see him in some coffee shop or restaurant, they used to ask
him
different questions like
today a group of young guys saw him in a restaurant and one of them asked him,
"Sanyeen Jee tell us,
when I and we, becomes shall or will". Than Sanyeen Jee delivered them a
tiring lecture,
he said, "goras (English
and white person) went away but he left with us the signs of slavery. Why don't
you
try to know the real essence
of everything? Now even angrez (English people) they don't give a shit about
shall and will. They speak
their language the way they like. I don't know when this inferiority complex
will be
ended. English has become the
standard to judge someone's educational calibre. So English isn't a language
it's an I.Q. (Intellectual
quotient) machine. You use English or other languages when someone doesn't
understand the national or
mother tongue. If you learn some language as a language than it's fine when it
will
become a status symbol than
it's a disease. Now quite often people ask educated people what you call lota
(ewer) in English to judge
someone's "calibre" while he was saying this, a boy interrupted him,
"but Sanyeen
Jee it's today's need, we
should learn English" Sanyeen Jee shouted, "oh you just shut up, I
know that it's
today's need" he
murmured, mother fucker and continued saying, "but it shouldn't be your
weakness. A
country like Pakistan which
has 25% literacy rate and in those 25% of people only 5% people can understand
that language and those 5% of
people write our future that's enough, I will not even say another single word,
offer me tea otherwise I will
go to Italy, I will go to France, look!" He showed them blank white papers
and
said, "look this is an
Italian permesso di soggiorno, this is a French carte sejour, and this is an
ausweis of
Germany andâ.¦" as soon
as he said that everyone started saying that Sanyeen Internet had had a fit.
Then
they used to leave him on his
own. Sanyeen Internet started praying and drinking tea.
All of them were thinking
that, that he had passion to go to Europe but he couldn't make it and he lost
his
mind or may be studied too
much.
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Einstein was sitting at the
terrace of the Anwar cafe, wearing a sweater in the hot weather and was
thinking
about the theory of
relativity, on the other side Sanyeen Internet was coming. He was wearing a
black shirt,
yellow tie and black suite
(jacket and trousers). Today he had a fit of Italian language. As soon as he
saw
Einstein he came closer to
him and said, "Buon giorno, come stai? Stai bene? Che cosa stai facendo?
Sei
occupato? Lo sai? Sono Leonardo
da Vinci. Oggi ho finito un'altra pittura, La Gioconda e già fatta".
When Sanyeen Internet used to
speak Italian, people around him used to think that he is speaking English.
While he was talking with
Einstein, Einstein responded, "What the fuck are you saying you mother
fucker,
don't you know that I am
working on e=mc square. You ruined my experiment. If I could have converted man
into an electron then time
travelling would have been possible". Sanyeen Internet said, "Mr
Einstein after
cloning we haven't anything
special so what's so special you gonna do". Einstein threw all empty
cigarette
boxes and they started
arguing with each other.
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Now a day's shah blut bagh is
crowded in the evening. Especially in the summer season, people come in the
evening and due to that
Sanyeen Internet and Bob Marley Sanyeen are disturbed. People annoy them
especially young boys. Bob
Marley Sanyeen remains silent for ages but Sanyeen Internet isn't happy with
these things. Even today
young boys circled him and one of them asked "Sanyeen Jee tell us some of
your
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love story 2. Sanyeen
Internet said, "Go away, this love stuff is crap and rubbish. It's snob stuff
for rich
people. When you don't have
food to eat your first preference will be food than something to wear, then you
will search for shelter. When
you have all the basic needs than you will think about other things, then your
animal instincts will wake
up. Like when a dog licks his penis after having food. Similarly we human
beings
are, when we meet our basic
needs, we run on our instincts. If you can't fulfil your basic needs, how can
you
fall in love with someone?
The stories which you read like Leila- majno, heer- ranjha, romeo-juliette,
they
must be master pieces of
literature but if you would like to be like them then you will be stupid. Why
don't we
fall in love with ugly girls?
I read that Leila was black but who knows that she was black. In today's
materialistic world mother,
the most unpolluted relation, she loves most the son who earns more money, who
has some good official job.
Go and read the selfish genes of Richard Dawkins then you will be able to
understand what love is. I am
not going to explain to you the nectar cube. When poverty knocks at your door
then love escapes from the
back window of your house. All of us are slaves of our wishes. Adam Smith said
the right thing. By the way
after watching an Indian film, whose story is based on love, if love feelings
develop in your heart then
you know what will be the end of this, only destruction. Have you ever seen a
lover
and his beloved, after their
wedding? For his beloved, for whom he had promised that he will pluck stars
from
the sky, after marriage he
can't even pluck an apple from the tree for her. Love has nothing to do with
sex and
meeting of two corpses. It's
a mortal disease which, nowadays every young boy and girl has. People don't
fall
in love incidentally nowadays
but rather they plan it that they are going out, maybe they will find someone
to
fall in love with, either
boys or a girls. Until they find success they feel it like chewing gum, sweet,
sweet.
When they are successful,
when the sweetness of chewing gum finishes they spit out that tasteless chewing
gum of love, like they never
wanted it. Love doesn't mean to own or possess something, it's not like land
and
even if you will own or
possess it then you will come to know what is behind the curtain. Stars look
nice
when they are far. Have you
ever seen any person of 80 or 70 years of age who fell in love with someone?
No! That person is worried
about death, which can come any time.
On the other hand, if you
like someone then it's another story but if this likeness becomes a problem.
You
know after marriage love
becomes like a fruit without juice, tasteless and insipid. Human being and
animal,
both of them are God's
creation, the only difference between them and we are feelings, desires,
passion,
emotions and sentiments. They
do have all these things but they don't have language like us. They have a
reproduction system like us.
They have their own way of love. In our d.n.a., we have cytochrome-c 369, this
369 makes the difference
between them and us. You know that a chimpanzee is our nearest relative.
According to cytochrome-c he
has 367.5. Now you can imagine that this 1.5 cytochrome-c makes a lot of
difference. Therefore
adenine, guanine and thymine are the same only cytosine has very little
difference".
Sanyeen Internet's lectures
were always interesting for them. He used to give them lectures like you see in
the
paintings of Renaissance when
they showed Saint Francis of Assisi preaching to the birds. During these
lectures he used to drink six
or seven cups of tea. He was a tea tank but the problem was whenever someone
interrupted him he stopped
telling them things. He fell into his own thoughts. These youngsters were very
impressed but when he used to
tell them things like these which were close to reality and as you know that
truth is bitter, so they left
him on his own.
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Everyone was curious about
who Sanyeen Internet is, what is his real name? What are the facts behind his
mental illness? No one knows
that he is a secret nut whenever someone sat next to him he always gave them
good information. His
lectures and teachings were full of logics and facts. He never harmed anyone.
Whenever someone has hurt him
physically he got annoyed and curses them.
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Chapter 1: Shah Blot Bagh
SANYEEN INTERNET
Police suspected that shah
blut bagh plays a major role in drugs dealings and Sanyeen Internet is one of
their
members. All of a sudden
police raided there and started searching in the huts of Sanyeen Internet and
Bob
Marley Sanyeen, without any
search warrant. Bob Marley Sanyeen remained quiet for ages, for him it wasn't
the first time. They haven't
found anything from Bob Marley's hut. He was badly beaten up by them and his
response was nothing. For him
neither curses nor third degree was harmful, then they entered Sanyeen
Internet's hut and one of
them said, "Oh you Sanyeen tell us why you give lectures to young boys and
students. You must be working
for some secret agency". Sanyeen responded, "You just shut up you
fuck'in
arse hole, do you know to
whom you are talking? I am Shakespeare and don't you dare touch my manuscripts.
This is the Merchant of Venice
and this is Julius Ceaser and that is my master piece Hamlet, "to be or
not to
be that is the
question", what you think inspector to be or----------------------not to
be. I think it's better to be.
It's not etre e rien".
"Oh what the fuck you are saying?" he ordered, "Search his hut,
I don't know what the
fuck he is saying in English,
I don't understand anything". One of the police man said, "Sir Jee he
was saying
something about sheikh".
"Oh tell me who this sheikh is, take him to the police station, there he
will tell us
when we will interview
him". Sanyeen Internet was under arrest and they have taken him to the
Cantonment
police station. There he was
badly beaten up, that's what they call an "interview" but for him it
was nothing
because he wasn't in his
senses.
"Sir Jee he is innocent
so why have you arrested him?" one of the junior police man said. "Oh
you just shut up
we had orders from superiors
we had to fill up the register, to show that we have done something. When he
was being brought in front of
s.h.o. (station head officer) he was a sensible man and he knew the score
(reality). He asked,
"Sanyeen Jee can you recite to me some nice poetical verse then you will
be free".
«Il pleure dans mon cÅ.ur
Comme il pleut sur la ville»
Paul Verlaine
"Sanyeen Jee this is in
some other language, don't you remember anything in Urdu or Punjabi?"
"Main kisay kahon meray
sath chal
Yahan sab kay sar pay saleeb
hay"
(To whom I say come along
with me everyone is sinful)
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Sanyeen Internet was wearing
a suit and a tie in very hot weather and he was walking to the mall. He was in
rush, and had a rotten
suitcase in his hand, which was tied up with ropes. Someone asked him,
"Where were
you going Sanyeen Jee?"
He said, "I am going to France. I am in rush because it's an international
flight. You
should be at the airport
three hours before, for custom clearance, boarding, f.i.a. (federal
investigation agency)
and now there is this army
counter as well". "Why don't you live in Pakistan sanyeen jee?"
Sanyeen
responded, "What for,
what do you have in Pakistan that there isn't in this country. After every two
years you
implement martial law
(dictatorship). You have called this country by the name of Islam and now you
are
looting it. You haven't
respected the person who was the founder of Pakistan. That is another story
that he had
bet with Nehru that he will
make Pakistan. He had a grudge with Nehru. Neither he would have married with
that Parsi girl nor would he
have made Pakistan. (Parsis are Zoroaster's followers in India and Pakistan).
They
are very rich. Freddie
Mercury was Parsi, even though when Pakistan came into being he was very
honest. He
started working for Pakistan.
This seventy-year-old man wanted to make an ideal country but he was being
assassinated by conspiracy,
that's what I call it. In one year what he did was best. Liaquat Ali khan, he
used to
go to Ziarat to visit
Mohammad Ali Jinnah, when Jinnah was ill and admitted there. He used to throw
apples
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in the air and say this,
"how is he that old man?" What happened to him? He promised Russia
and went to
America (U.S.A.). Russians
were waiting for him. So he was being killed in the garden while he was
addressing the public in
Rawalpindi. Then dictators came and then democracy and then dictators came.
Tell
me what is the special thing
you have done after calling a country by the name of Islam? O! I forgot Khan
Sahib, he did miraculous
things, and he changed the capital from Karachi to Islamabad. These fauji
(armed
forces, army, air force and
navy) are addicted with dictatorship. They came in 1950 and now they come again
and again after a short
break. What's the duty of an army? They should defend the boundaries and
country's
defence. If you like the
army's government , if you want dictatorship than why you call it the Islamic
Republic
of Pakistan which is no more
Pak---istan (istan or than a place where you sit or stay literal meaning of
Pak---istan is a place where
pure people sit, stay or live) neither have you Islam nor democracy. Than roti,
kapra aur makan (food,
shelter and clothes, that was the slogan of Zulfiquar Ali Bhutto that he will
provide
food, shelter and clothes to
every Pakistani). They started fooling people with this slogan. They called
Ayub
Khan Dog so he resigned and
then some of their gestures God didn't like. So they had to go as well. They
tortured him very badly, so
he died there. So just to put a cork in the public's mouth they hanged him just
like
a theatrical stuff. The
country which has been divided into two instead of progress then what do you
expect
from a country like that. You
know when God wants to disgrace someone he disgraced you ignominies by the
person the one you think is
inferior to you. He was inferior and abject in his eyes. He wanted to make
laces of
his moustaches. What a great
person he was, he came for ninety days and stayed for eleven years. He would
have been there still if the
Russian army hadn't left Afghanistan. They achieved their goal so he was killed
in a
plane crash. Americans know
how to put a velvet saddle on a donkey. He used to wear a jacket with four
pockets and a leather belt
around him like a post man. His slogan was Islam. He was willing to implement
Islamic law in Pakistan. Why
do we need Islamic law in Pakistan? What for? A country which was came in to
being by the name of Islam.
It's already an Islamic country. Only two countries are created on the basis of
religion. One is Israel and
the other is Pakistan. It was an excuse to create a country on the grounds of
Islam,
in fact, it was waderas,
jagerdars (landlords) who were being favoured and honoured by the goras.
Basically
they were traitors. If
Pakistan hadn't had independence, it would have been difficult for these
landlords to suck
the last drop of blood.
That's why people are against g.m.syed, bacha khan (ghaffar khan) and
abu-ul.kalam
azad. Don't you know that
Hindustan has been satrapy of different religions for ages and, by the way,
India is
not Muslims's country? We
were foreigners. What do you think? Muslims don't live in India now, you don't
hear azans (it's a call for
prayers; we call azan five time a day like Christians ring the bells for Mass
and
vespers). I shall tell you
one thing that the person who made a nuclear bomb in India, that scientist and
physicist is Muslim.
Have you ever analysed the
facts and figures of those people who died in sectarianism's riots. You will
find
more people died in
sectarian's riots than the Hindu-Muslim riots during partition. Who lives here?
All of us
are Muslims then why are we
enemies amongst each other? Islam is the religion of peace and fraternity. Then
why we are killing each
other? We are thirsty for our own people's blood. Do you know in Gilgit (a
major city
of the northern area of
Pakistan) a whole village has been burnt because they celebrated eid-ul fitre
only one
day before the governmental
announcement? Who were being burnt?
"Muslims"
Who burnt these Muslims? Who
ordered it?
It was Surme walli sarkar.
(Zia ul haque used to use mascara regularly).
Saadat Hassan Manto has
written the best short stories about partition. If you read them you will start
crying
but if man would have been
alive he could have committed suicide because during partition Hindus, Sikhs
and
Muslims were killing each
other and we had an excuse to blame each other and to blame goras (whites) as
well. Now Muslims are Muslims
and we blame terrorists. Who are these terrorists? Pakistanis, don't come
from outside, they are from
us. It's all frustration, unequal distribution of money, you can ask any
frustrated
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person who has little kids,
or no job, he will do it for the sake of money, at least his kids or family
will live a
happy life.
Then Attefaque (ex Prime
Minister Nawaz Sharif was the owner of Attefaque foundry) had the reign of this
country then food, shelter
and clothes came and like that they were playing with each other like a rat and
a cat.
Pakistan was being messed up.
For them, Pakistan was their foundry; like some worker is injured or wounded
in their factory or mill they
helped him financially. They did the same with Pakistan. When some girl was
being raped in some part of
the country, they went to help the family of that girl with the help of full
media
coverage just for the sake of
political reasons. It is quite possible the girl was being raped by their own
personnel it might have been
a fake story. You haven't seen what happened to them. God showed them
ignominy. It's carnival. The
same people are ruling us since 1947 but they use different masks.
Italy became independent
after the Second World War but there is a big difference between us and them.
Their politicians are corrupt
but not like us. They fight in their parliament as well but they have some
democracy.
Do you know why we are still
in the third world and in the list of under developed countries? Because we
don't have patriotism, we
don't love our land, language, society and way of living.
"God gives respect to
whom he likes and God gives ignominy to which he likes. He has power". He
has
shown His power many times
but we don't understand. We will never be able to understand. Greed has made
us blind. We look at our
neighbour's house. We like, other's lives. Are these the teaching of Islam that
because
someone is rich you should
become rich like him by any means? You know when the flood comes it ruins
everything. For the flood it
doesn't matter if there is a Chaudary's villa or a poor man's cottage.
When we came to Pakistan to
get rid of Hindu-Muslim disputes, we created Shiites (a sect in Muslims
according to them Ali, the
son-in-law of Mohammad p.b.u.h. should have been the first Khalifa. There are
some other disagreements as
well, Sunnis (a major sect in Muslims who are traditionalist) and Whabis (a
sect
of Sunnis who are very
logical). According to them Mohammad p.b.u.h. is like us. He is only the
messenger
of God. We should follow God
disputes. Then we fell in provincial racism like Sindhi, Baluchi, Punjabi and
Pathan. Now I will take you
to a small village of in Punjab. All of the inhabitants are Sunni Muslims and
Pakistani. So being Pakistani,
Muslim, Punjabi and Sunni we should all be living like a family without any
difference of class but you
will be shocked when I tell you in this small village chaudary, malik, gujar,
conjurer, musician and
servant live along with some other people but Pakistani and Muslim do not. In
chaudary's house the one who
has power, he has reign, our animal instinct. Everyone wants to be superior to
other like animals jungle's
Raj. The big fish eats small the fish. Why can't we be human beings instead of
all
these other things? Why has
God created us eminent among all living beings because we have language? We
can express ourselves. We can
laugh, we can weep, and we can celebrate. He hasn't given us these things so
that we kill each other on
the basis of Shia, Sunni, Punjabi, Sindhi or that someone is chaudary or poor.
You
will find this classification
all around the world but it seems bad in Pakistan because Pakistan's basic
ideology
was Islam, which is against
all these classifications.
The saying of the prophet
(p.b.u.h.) "that an Arab isn't superior to a non-Arab until he is better
than others in
abstemiousness and
piety". Sanyeen Internet realises that he has flight. He was talking to
himself, the person
who asked him that question,
had gone away a long time ago. He started cursing him. "I missed my
flight. My
carte sejour has
expired" he was also very far from shah blut bagh.
â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦
The Pir Mehr Ali restaurant
is a restaurant which is full of customers till late. It's right in front of
Rawalpindi
g.p.o (general post office).
The road is called Kashmir Road. One end goes towards Mall Road and the other
Chapter 1: Shah Blot Bagh
SANYEEN INTERNET
goes towards Gwalmandi (milk
seller market), after crossing Haider Road, Bank Road and Adamjee Road.
Before the partition of India
and Pakistan all these all roads, used to have English names but now all of
them
are being converted into new
names. Old people still call them with the old names like Dilhowse Road,
Canning Road, and Brandreth
Road.
The building of the Pir Mehr
Ali restaurant took place during English rule in the Indo-Pak subcontinent. It
was being bought by different
people. Now it's a restaurant. It was used to be a "Suzuki house".
Then it
became an election campaign
office with big paintings rather posters you can say, of Zia Ul Haque, Nawaz
Sharif and Sheikh Rasheed on
his front. Then during the frequent changes in government they were removed.
Then it became a restaurant.
Especially in summertime it's very bus. Close to it, there is a Suzuki stand
(Suzuki is the name of
Japanese car maker and here it's used for the public transport) from tench
bhatta and
bakra mandi (sheep's and
goats market) and next to g.p.o. there is bus stand of buses and wagons for
Rawalpindi and Islamabad. So
its jam packed all the time with drivers, conductors, cleaners and passengers.
Adjacent to that is Haider
Road. You will find loads of fruit hawkers. The speciality of that road is
fresh sugar
cane juice. It's the paradise
of house flies. In the Pir Mehr Ali restaurant, rats move about, without
hindrance
exactly like Americans and
Russians they enter any country without an excuse and interfere in their
personal
and political matters. When young
students and boys come out from their local snooker clubs late at night,
that restaurant is their
favourite hit. Its one corner is booked for them, where they blame the
circumstances.
Some of them criticize for
the sake of it and some of them for fun.
â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦.
Waiter: Sir, can I take your
order
Khalid: Yar (a way of calling
means friend) bring us four cups of tea ------------------- and listen should
be
strong, less milk and sugar
separate.
Amjad: I have heard yar
(friend) Sanyeen Internet was being copped yesterday.
Tahir: Where is he now?
Khalid: He must be at the
Anwar cafe or the Drivers Hotel (Tabarak restaurant) and must be bothering
someone with his lectures.
Amjad: O! No yar, he is a
very intelligent person. I don't know what's wrong with him. He is a very
knowledgeable person.
Tahir: Definitely, he talks
with logic and facts even though he is mentally ill. What he says in insane, if
he
would have said this as a
normal person, he would have been put in the basement of Badshahi Qilla (Lahore
fort also called Kings Fort.
It's in Lahore and armed forces use its basements as a detention cell for
culprits
and terrorists)
Khalid: I have heard that it
was being closed.
Tahir: It isn't the only one.
There are many others. Pakistan hasn't got a shortage of detention cells.
During this period the waiter
brought tea for them. Waiters in these restaurants treat students nicely and
these
students never left any mess
at the restaurant. Sometimes they owe them.
Amjad: Yar Sanyeen Internet
is in fact an intellectual but he is twisted. Police shouldn't bother people
like
him.
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SANYEEN INTERNET
Tahir: If you feel pity for
him then take him home.
Amjad: Yar it has nothing to
do with sympathy or pity and, by the way, if my sympathies are with him, it
doesn't mean that I have to
take him home. You shouldn't take it satirically. I think he is not a lunatic;
he must
have been unlucky in the
past. Whatever he says it's full of revolution. He gives you courage to rebel
against
bad things like corruption in
politics and religion.
While they were talking they
saw Afrasiab, who was coming from the other side of the road. Everyone said in
a loud voice, "Come,
come, Afrasiab sahib". They asked for another chair for Afrasiab. Afrasiab
is the cream
of the whole group and not
only in this group but other groups and parties. He is an expert in taking the
piss
out of anyone. In other words
he is a piss taker. He corners everyone. Amjad asked everyone to not say
anything about him while
Afrasiab wasn't looking. But there is no need to say or request anything. In
any
gathering, Afrasiab always
corners those who are stupid. The only thing he wants to find is the weak point
of
anyone. His speciality is
Sanyeen Internet. He is his best friend.
Khalid: Afrasiab, will you
take tea?
Afrasiab: I will drink
brandy, (because alcohol is illegal in Pakistan) of course, I will take tea,
why not.
Khalid: Yar bring us five
cups of tea (he ordered to the waiter 9 and said, o by the way Afrasiab do you
know
anything about Sanyeen
Internet?
Afrasiab: I met him while I
was coming to the restaurant. He is coming here as well.
Sanyeen Internet was coming,
they saw him and was reciting, "Jay manglam shriram, bhagwan ki leela say
pwiter Agni ko sakshi man kar
Patti, pattni ki raksha karay ga". One of them said, "Not even
rickshaw, taxi as
well".
Afrasiab: Sanyeen Jee come
here, sit with us.
Sanyeen Internet: No, no I
don't want to sit with you people. I have already missed my flight.
Afrasiab: Where were you
going? The police copped you yesterday.
Sanyeen: Yes, but it has
nothing to do with you by the way, you needn't worry. I am not a minister.
Anyway I
am going to Germany after
taking my tea otherwise my ausweis will expire.
During this period all the
boys came to Sanyeen Internet's table. Khalid shouted again, "Get us six
cups of tea
instead of five, one for
Sanyeen Jee".
Afrasiab: Sanyeen Jee how can
one catch a bird, I mean a girl, and do you have any idea?
All of them said,
"Afrasiab you do ask strange questions to Sanyeen Internet. You will be
cursed.
Afrasiab: O no yar, Sanyeen
Jee is not like other Sanyeen who curse or malediction someone. He is a
twenty-first century's
Sanyeen, the one who speaks French, Italian, German and English. Then Sanyeen
Jee
tell me.
Sanyeen jee: It's a very easy
thing that you want, stop searching for it then it will come to you on its own.
Afrasiab: Sanyeen Jee, what
are you talking about?" and he started laughing.
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SANYEEN INTERNET
No-one has ever seen
Afrasiab, sad. He was jolly. He was a piss taker. He never took anything
seriously.
Khalid: Sanyeen Jee, why
don't you advise him? He doesn't take anything seriously
Sanyeen jee:
"Tanhae kay lamhon main
kabhi ro bhi liya kar
Yeh roz ka hasna tujhay
barbad na kar day"
(When you are alone you cry
sometimes. Maybe this happiness every day has ruined you)
Afrasiab:
"Chuti kay dino main
kabhi naha bhi liya kar
Yeh roz ki gandgi tujhay
bemar na kar day"
(You should wash yourself
when you have time, this dirtiness every day will cause you some disease.)
All of them started laughing.
Afrasiab was expert in doing parodies of poetry. He could do it extemporal.
This
parody was a little bit
civilised, usually his parodies are full of sex and curses.
Khalid: I think he will
become like Sanyeen Jee. Afrasiab you should change yourself. Now you are young
but when it will be too late then
you will feel sorry for yourself one day. They were busy in their discussions,
they saw Afrasiab dad with
Afrasiab younger brother.
Afrasiab shouted, "Abba
why did you come here?"
Abba: Actually Afri you are
wearing my sleepers, let's go home it's very late".
"I am coming in a
minute" said Afrasiab.
Suddenly Afrasiab Dad saw
Sanyeen Internet and he was trying to recognise him then he stopped thinking
about this.
"Afrasiab who is
he?" he asked in a very low voice.
"Abba, he is Sanyeen
Internet, people think that he is mad but we respect him a lot. He is an
intellectual but I
think he is a little bit
twisted" Afrasiab gave this explanatory introduction.
"Where has he come
from?" his father asked curiously.
"Abba, no-one knows and
he never told anyone. He always talks about foreign countries. He says every
day,
today I will go to Germany,
tomorrow I will go to France and the day after tomorrow I will go to
Italy". He
responded.
"You know boys these are
the after-effects of dictatorship. Due to dictatorship our economy and foreign
policies are messed, so we
have inflation and recession. Just because of that we were out of jobs, so
youngsters, the man power of
Pakistan went to foreign countries. Thousands of doctors, engineers, computer
programmers have settled in
foreign countries. Still they go but you just leave it, let's go home" he
said in an
Chapter 1: Shah Blot Bagh
SANYEEN INTERNET
ironical way.
"Abba you go home I will
be back soon" Afrasiab said.
Sanyeen Internet recognized
the father of Afrasiab. He knew who he was but he hasn't said anything because
he was good listener. Till
late these boys, youngsters chatted on different topics and then they went back
to
their homes. But Sanyeen
Internet was still there. When they were closing their restaurant, Sanyeen
Internet
went into the street which
was exactly adjacent to the restaurant and slept there, on a dirty mat.
â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦â.¦..
Abr-e-nisan Behram Kahn is
the only daughter of mohtarma (respectable) Nadia Behram Kharal, The new
deputy commissioner of the
Rawalpindi city. She looks like an exact clone of her mother. Her father, Jam
shed Khan is a renowned
cardiologist of Islamabad. He has his own medical centre in the famous sector
of
Islamabad, f-10, which is
called "il cuore".
Jam shed Sahib was the son of
Khan Bhadur, the famous Khan of Kohat. Khan Bhadur Sahib, he himself was
a doctor. He used to run his
medical centre in Kohat City. To keep his kids away from family and tribal
grudges, he had sent them to
Islamabad which is why both of them, brother and sister, Jam shed Khan and
Lyl-un Nihar were brought up
in Islamabad. Both of them were doctors. Lyl-un-Nihar went to America after
her marriage but Jam shed
decided to stay here. When they were young, both of them used to take private
tuition in a private tuition
centre. There are some sophisticated and expensive private tuition centres
where
snobbish, rich and newly-rich
people sent their kids to improve in different subjects like English and
Scientific subjects. They
apply heavy fees for each different subject. Every subject has its own fee.
Some of
the students come here, only
to meet with the people of their own class because they don't want to mix with
the working class, and some
of them come here for girls. With their money, cars and clothes they try to
impress them. All of them are
open-minded and broad-minded kids of a higher society so they don't act like
middle class or lower middle
class. Pakistan is an Islamic country, and there are no night clubs and you
can't
even dream about bars and
alcohol, so they arrange private parties and create environments like
discotheques.
Here you can dance and drink
with people from your own class.
In Islamabad's newly
developed sector f-10, there is an institute like this called
"Elysium".
Jam shed Khan was the student
of a medical college in those days and he was weak in two subjects, English
and biology. Both of them,
brother and sister, were studying in Elysium which was very different from
other
institutes. First of all, it
was co-educated, secondly, very open but both of them were from a tribal area,
so
they still have some respect
for their traditions and norms. In particular Jam shed has a lot of respect for
girls
and was modest and bashful.
Jam shed Khan met Nadia and he fell in love at first sight. He gave her his
heart.
What's the point that he has
given his heart; everything was based upon Nadia Behram. Her favourite dialogue
was "my foot". She
used to knit her brows and never became under the least obligation.
Nadia wasn't very beautiful
but was very attractive. She had something which other girls didn't have. Her
attractiveness used to
attract people towards her. Nearly every boy of Elysium asked her out. Boys of
Elysium
were around her like moths
around a candle. She never responded to someone nicely or positively. Jam
shed's
sister Lyl-un-Nihar, became
close to her just because of his brother. Lyl-un Nihar was a very simple girl,
so
for Nadia it was very easy to
dominate her.
Nadia Behram Kharal was A.B.
Kharal's daughter from his third wife. She was very dear to Mr Kharal. He
had progeny from the other
wives as well. Mr Kharal's first married a girl from his village at the age of
sixteen, according to his
parents' will. From his first wife he had two kids and they were settled in the
village.
The second marriage was with
a girl from Lahore. It was his love marriage. With her, he had three sons and
Chapter 1: Shah Blot Bagh
SANYEEN INTERNET
three daughters and all of
them were married. His last marriage he did at his old age and his wife was
only 20
years old. One day Mr Kharal
went to Chitral for tourism reasons and there he bought his third wife. He paid
money to the girl's parents
and that's how she became his third wife and he brought her to Lahore. With
her,
he had only one kid and that
was Nadia. She was indeed the loving daughter of Mr Kharal. He never said no
to her, whenever she asked
for something, He provided for her. All of his property and money, whatever he
had, was in the possession of
his second wife, the one from Lahore, because she was against his third
marriage. As the time was
passing, Mr Kharal was getting old but he never mentioned anything to Nadia
about his financial condition
getting worse and worse and when he had a financial crisis, he lost his wife in
an
accident. After these two
misfortunes, all his caresses and actions were towards his daughter. She was
his
"Bella di papa".
For her, her father (Mr Kharal) was everything. She hasn't had have
Any friend when she was
little. She passed her child hood in convent.
She brought up in different
environment. Whenever she went out with her dad, everyone thought that she is
his granddaughter than Mr.
Kharal had to introduce her to everyone that she is my daughter and she is very
intelligent.
Nadia and Jamshed were not
even friends. He was simple Pathan and she was rich, spoil and egoist girl. She
used to knit her brows all
the time. She used to feel that the whole world is under my feet but with a
passage
of time she realised that
"reality you can't see but what you see is unreal".
Suddenly Mr. Kharal died.
Jamshed won the lottery. He was thinking exactly like Newton when apple fell
from tree in his lap and he
thought this apple came to me it should have gone to sky as well. Jamshed was
thinking, why she came to me
instead of anybody else. How Nadia behram kharal fell in his lap like an apple.
For him it was miracle.
Jamshed khan came back from
America after completing his specialisation in cardiology and Nadia got top
position in C.S.S. (civil
services exam)
After Nadia's father's death
what whatever she had was because of two people. One was some anonymous
person with his motivation
and moral support and other was Jamshed khan with his financial support.
When Abdul behram kharal
died, for Nadia he left as inheritance just the list of creditors and lenders.
At that
time Jamshed khan was like
messiah. He was the one who paid all her debts because he was madly in love
with her. He could have done
anything for Nadia and he did. Even though the married life of Nadia and
Jamshed wasn't as good as it
should be. Both of them used to think that what they have done was a
compromise. With this
compromise Abr-e-nisa behram khan was born. Nadia didn't change her name and
she
used her father's name
instead of her husband's name. On the other hand Abr-e-nisa used her father's
name
and even her grandfather's
name as well. Abr-e-nisa was living in the same expensive sector of Islamabad
where her mother used to come
for private tuition when she was young. At their home entrance the famous
Italian painter raffaello's
la velata was hanged. In Nadia behram Kharal's room the Italian medieval paintings
were hanged like paintings of
Cimabue, Giotto, raffaello's, Michelangelo. There were some paintings of van
Gogh, Dali and Chagall as
well.
Abr-e-nisa was the student of
anthropology at Mohammad Ali Jinnah University but she used to take evening
classes of French language at
alliance francaise. There she met with Afrasiab, both of them had one thing
common that both of them were
studying French together otherwise there was big difference of class among
Chapter 1: Shah Blot Bagh
SANYEEN INTERNET
them. He was a journalist's
son and she was deputy commissioner's daughter but they became friend. It
wasn't
love affair because Afrasiab
was very different. He had no belief in love. According to him all love stories
were crap and rubbish. He never
watched love stories, he fond of art movies.
He was studying cognitive
science. According to him there was no match between cognitive science and love
but anthropology and
cognitive science, there was relation between them. He was in the final year and
his
intentions were to do Ph.D.
in this subject and Abr-e-nisa had the same intentions. Nadia had never been to
out of Islamabad on her own
but she had been all over Pakistan with her mum and dad. She wasn't from
middle class. They discussed
many times on different topics but Afrasiab cornered her and convinced her with
logics and facts. He wasn't
so called student.
One day when they were
discussing, Afrasiab said something about sanyeen internet.
Abr-e-nisa said, "I
don't believe on these pirs and fakirs". (Saints and mendicants).
Afrasiab said, "No, he
isn't that kind of Pir or fakir (saint of mendicant) who does black magic and
miracles.
He doesn't use his saliva as
an ointment. I think he had some accident in his life that's why has become
like
that. Everyone says he insane
and twisted but I think he is okay. Etymology, anthropomorphism,
lexicography, languages,
history, he knows everything. You just name it. The only addiction he has is
tea".
"I would like to see him
than that will be interesting". Abr-e-nisa said.
Afrasiab and Abr-e-nisa their
car was exactly in the parking of Odeon cinema. Both of them were walking
towards shah blot bagh as
quick as possible. They entered in shah blot bagh. They turned towards the huts
of
bob Marley and sanyeen
internet.
Sanyeen internet was trying
to arrange his important papers. He was putting them on an empty and used
wooden boxes. For him these
wooden boxes were his table and his important documents which we called
them were in fact white and
blank papers, Sanyeen internet use to call them permesso di soggiorno, ausweis,
carte sejour etc.
As soon as he saw Afrasiab he
said, "you again".
Afrasiab said, "no
sanyeen jee today I am not here to annoy or tease you. Today I am with my class
fellow.
We study together at alliance
francaise. Basically she is the student of anthropology. She is completing her
assignment. She wants to ask
you some questions about anthropology".
Sanyeen internet said,
"Take her to some anthropologist".
Afrasiab said, "Sanyeen
jee she wants to write something different without bookish knowledge".
Sanyeen internet said,
"Tell her to read wonderful life of Stephen jay Gould, he is famous
palaeontologist of
this century. She will be
satisfied and if she wants to know about linguistics than she should read
Steven
pinker's the language
instinct".
Abr-e-nisa was hearing all
their discussion clearly so she entered in sanyeen's hut. She covered her nose
with
handkerchief because sanyeen
internet's hut was stinky and pongy.
Chapter 1: Shah Blot Bagh
SANYEEN INTERNET
As she stepped in sanyeen's
hut, sanyeen internet got stunned and traumatized. He went into his past. He
shouted loudly, "now,
why you came, after ruining my life. You are here to see that how messed life I
am
living. Get out; there is no
place in my life for a self centred and utopian girl. You are running behinds
illusions. Where are those
perfumes and eau di cologne"?
Sanyeen internet was speaking
continuously. Afrasiab and Abr-e-nisa were listening to him like they were
made of stone. Afrasiab had
never seen this part of sanyeen internet.
"Afrasiab, my son she is
like a fire. She will burn you. She has ruined many people and now she will
ruin
you".
No one dared to talk like
this with Abr-e-nisa because she was the daughter of deputy commissioner and
her
father was renowned
cardiologist.
Chapter 1: Shah Blot Bagh
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